I’m Not Going to Do This Every Day

Larry Doyle, for Bad Dog, which is pretty friggin’ funny.  Written from the perspective of a dog owner trying to set the record straight after his dog’s memoir has become a best-seller, it’s entirely great. A taste:

I’m not naïve. I knew the reviews might be bad, like that hatchet job in Dog Fancy. What I did not expect was to be sucker-punched by Oprah, or denounced from the floor of the U.S. Senate, or the mass crap-ins on my lawn. The price of truth, I guess.

I wrote “Tyrant Rex: His Life as My Dog” as a much needed corrective to “Speak: A Memoir,” and I stand behind my version, which costs three dollars less and contains many never-before-published candid photos of Rex.

This kinda steals Dave Chapelle’s skit about what a real-world Internet would be like, but it’s still good: A British comedy troupe does a real-world Facebook:

This is kinda the opposite of the Chipmonks thing, which I normally wouldn’t be all that wild about. Still, there’s something about imagining a drunken Jeff Goldblum pitching iMacs…

This is pretty friggin’ amazing: Emails from mothers to their kids. Sample post:

COMPUTER

Honey, when I treid to use my computer without plugging in the internet it would not connect to the internet thus proving I am NOT using someone’s wireless. Can’t you use a wired connection? I think it is only logical to avoid as much bathing in wireless showers as possible - and PLEASE don’t put the thing on your belly - the number of people that mention knowing someone who has a child with “disorders” is pretty scary to me and lots of people think this. I think my computer proved wireless is not everywhere all the time….

This is fantastic:

Who knew that the secret to unlocking Jon Arbuckle’s comedic ennui was to remove that damn cat who’d been holding him back? Seriously, this is fantastic.

The latest from the Improv Everywhere folks (h/t Gothamist)

from gothamist.com posted with vodpod

I never thought you could make a comedy out of Photoshop; for me, it’s always been closer to tragedy. How wrong I was:

The excellent P. Stack, the Blog-shire’s Gandalf to my Frodo, points out the hilarity of a man actually saying “I ain’t that fat, I’m only 277,” which did the excellent job of both cracking me up and reminding me of this nice bit from John Pinette on the pitfalls of the all-you-can-eat buffet:

This, from Soldier’s Home, Newsweek’s blog about life after Iraq, cracks me up. The blogger, David Botti, empties out his notebooks from interviews he did with marines in his unit in Iraq in 2003. It’s all interesting, and in some cases moving, but the part that made me laugh out loud is this:

If you could speak to the Iraqi people on television, what would you say?

• -“I have a ten inch c*ck – just kidding. I’d say Saddam is gone, but the job is not done. Make sure you help us get you a new government, so we can get out. Never become as cowardly as suicide bombers.”
• -“You owe us.”
• -“That’s all you had?”
• -“Look forward to a brighter future.”
• -“If you’re happy we’re here, good. If not, we’ve won, f*ck you, we did it fast. Your country sucks d*ck and I don’t know why you stay here.”
• -“Bring me meat and bread.”