The New Yorker: Shouts & Murmurs: Three Things to Do When Clarence Thomas’s Wife Calls You

newyorker:

Andy Borowitz:

Like many Americans, over the past several years I have been the recipient of multiple unwelcome voicemails from the wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. These calls have come in the middle of the night, at the crack of dawn, even at the dinner hour favored by…

See, I know Andy just dashed this off, but honestly, there’s more comedy there. A funnier version would have been “Other Requests for Apology Left on Voicemails by Victoria Thomas”, like:

“Good morning McDonalds morning shift manager, it’s Ginni Thomas. I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the days and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did to my breakfast burrito.”

& etc. Comedy gold, I tell you.

Notes

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    New Yorker subscription is coming...renew it. But their Tumblr blog will do as
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    BA HA HA ha ha ha
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    i am missing something here.
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  14. subliminalkhan reblogged this from newyorker and added:
    LOVE THIS SO MUCH! ESPECIALLY THE LAST LIINE
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